You bake a pork roast with a special secret glaze and stir fry broccoli with garlic and a dash of soy. You teach Son how to roll dough into croissants and supervise the decorating of the gingerbread house.
You bake cookies for Santa, slice oranges for the reindeer, and even get yummy Yuletide treats for Puppy. You make sure the stockings are hung by the chimney with care in hopes that Saint Nicolas would soon be there. But all Son and Teen talk about is how this was "the Christmas Eve that Mom tortured us."
Remember that wonderful family movie, Oliver! The one with the cute little orphan boys singing "Food glorious food . . ." and the dancing through the bustling streets of London. Remember Fagin, a little scary, but kind. Remember how the film left you humming with a full heart and renewed faith in mankind?
Well, I loved that film and wanted to share it with the family. We have this Christmas Eve tradition of watching a movie together while eating popcorn and anticipating the goodies Santa will bring. Two years ago the movie was Elf. Last year it was A Charlie Brown Christmas. This year it was Oliver.
So we popped the DVD in, fast forwarded to the film, and sat back to enjoy. We kept waiting and waiting for it to pick up and for the orphans to start dancing and singing. Only, they never did. Instead we saw Oliver get shot. We watched Nancy get bludgeoned to death. We saw Bill kill himself. We saw Fagin hang.
Why? Because I had accidentally got the Roman Polanski version of the film.
By the time the movie was over the entire family, including Puppy, was traumatized and depressed.
Oh well. At least the next day was fun and festive.
BTW, whenever Puppy chewed things up, I thought she was being naughty. (Below: Her latest.)
But really, she was being nice. Look what she gave the family for Christmas . . .
(Above: A shadow box filled with the greatest hits of her work this year.)